I prefer to make sounds at people instead of words at the moment

*grunts*
When I read about someone grunting I always assume that person has a beard and red eyes from drinking beam since dawn.
Isn’t that weird?
Actually no I would say it’s pretty accurate that people who drink beam also have beards. I don’t mean to generalize but there it is.

 Oh I just heard a sound from the elevator that reminded me of Chris Martin’s voice in Paradise, such a nice song, the whole album is pretty great. I like that Rhi Rhi song too. I wrote Rhi Rhi just now because the spelling of her full name has escaped me! Maybe not, maybe it was never within me to begin with and I’ve been feigning intelligence all of these years by fooling people by nodding like I understand when they speak to me about Rhiannah? Rhianna?? Chris Martin is Coldplay right? Usually I would know, but not today my friend. No sir-ee

 

If anyone is out there…please buy me a can of coke (you can answer this plead of help by emailing Elisha to get me a can, I’ll act surprised)

 

This blog is all weird and about me again…haha as if I would know how to write about anything else? I really don’t, hence the reason I haven’t written lately. I know a lot of you must have this page in your favorites section, opening it every morning right after checking your facebook, eagerly awaiting the page to load to see what words of wisdom I have written out for you but day after day you are disappointed and I’m sorry. I know a little something about disappointment. Yesterday Elisha asked for chocolate so I bought her AND Sue a freddo and I was feeling quite pleased with myself for being an awesome friend but it turned out I had bought them WHITE CHOCOLATE FREDDOS!!!!
The look of disappointment will haunt my dreams forever.
Well Sue didn’t seem to mind too much, probably because she didn’t’ actually ask for any chocolate.
Elisha however, still hasn’t spoken to me, this makes phone calls particularly difficult since she doesn’t say anything when I pick up.
Speaking of disappointing friends…it seems I don’t have any so I can’t relate. Sorry.

 Since when did I become this stupid by the way?
Was it the meth?
No…it couldn’t be, meth makes you strong, that’s what my dealing has been telling me anyway and you can always trust a dealer because he has nothing to gain by lying and nothing to lose by telling the truth

 Maybe I should become a dealer?

Yes, that’s settled I will sell the crack to kids and make a profit and an honest woman out of myself

Now I’m cracking up HAHA CRACKing up. Get it?

Somebody call SNL and tell them they’ve found a new staff writer!

Tina Fey and I would be great friends and I would be named godmother for sure, I know Tina would trust me with her kids even though I would offer them no religious knowledge whatsoever but that’s not what a godparent does anymore is it? It’s really someone’s way of choosing their favorite person. When Callyn names me godmother of her firstborn then Kendal will find out that I’m the favorite. I didn’t want to tell Kendal about the Callyn thing and hopefully she won’t read this but I can’t lie anymore, especially know that I’ve chosen to become a drug dealer in my spare time and if there is any one group of people out there that stick to their ethics it’s the dealers and people who belong in fight club and I guess the ladies from The View?

 Not that I honestly believe I have spare time what with work, eating, reading and watching TV before sleeping, I’ve basically run out of hours for the day.  Thank thenutellagods I don’t have any hobbies. But I do need a second job, I can’t buy magazines and coffee and expect to go to America in 7 months on my salary. Well actually I can if I stop buying the magazines. So what if I don’t know what’s happening on the set of The Avengers? Who cares if I wear the wrong colours on the beach? What will happen if I don’t read my favorite bands latest cd review? Will the world stop spinning? It’s so hard when the world revolves around me…I feel like a Kardashian, minus the fake boobs, lips, hair and spray tan.

Okay I must stop writing about myself now and finish my work, I’m kind of feeling guilty for paying my blog so much attention but ignoring the innocent pieces of paper on my desk. They just want to be acknowledged and filed away for my supervisor’s scrutiny tomorrow when she gets back to work after being ‘sick’.

 Alright I’m seriously going this time…you hang up! No you hang up first! No you!

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November 2, 2011. Uncategorized.

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