How the Spanish voice in my head made me eat Nandos and other various revelations

Good afternoon ardent readers!! (I looked ardent up in the dictionary; I felt that ‘avid’ is overused)

I went to the dentist the other day and let me tell you, it was not fun, I did not like the man whose hand was in my mouth, I did not enjoy paying $300 dollars after being told I would need to return three more times and I especially did not enjoy looking back on my life and seeing the damage I’ve been doing to myself.

Coke everyday
Coffee every morning
Lollies for snacks
Chocolate for dessert
Buying The Hills on DVD

What the hell was I thinking?
I’ll tell you what I’m thinking now and it starts with an F and ends with a UCK

I’m terrified to even look at a can of coke, I haven’t had my usual cup of coffee for the last two days, I’m craving chocolate or snakes for a snack from downstairs but I know I’ll hate myself if I eat it, just like how I hated myself for having ice tea with my Japanese today at lunch.

What am I to do?
Starve myself?
Well maybe! Elisha sent me a photo of a very skinny Miranda Kerr and said “at least you’ll look like this if you cut sugar out” If that’s not motivation then I don’t know what is.
That’s when it sunk in. I’m cutting sugar out of my diet. Really Lisa?
Yes! <–
Brain says whaaat?

I am conflicted. There are two voices in my head right now (three if you count the one speaking Spanish, which I don’t because I don’t speak Spanish) one is telling me to live a better life and cut out all of that crap, I managed to cut out junk food for lunch and dinner, how is this any different? The other voice is telling me that I can’t enjoy life properly without indulging in the things I love.

What if I don’t love these things? What if I eat/drink them because it’s routine? Just like staying friends with someone out of habit instead of necessity (here’s looking at you SMC).
Yeah I was pretty cranky today and yesterday morning without my morning coffee but contrary to popular belief I did make it through the day without falling over, I did manage to do my work without hyperventilating at the thought of water running through my system instead of coke, yes people are driven by caffeine but there are alternatives!

Alternatives? I hear you ask
Yes zealous readers, caffeine does not only come in the form of a streaming Styrofoam cup of deliciousness or an icy can of perfection.
Tea! The goodness of tea is widely publicized yet nobody pays attention to the benefits of it.
Sean’s nan bought us the best kettle I’ve ever seen. Apart from my juicer & blender it’s my favorite kitchen appliance. It boils to different temperatures for different types of tea. It’s like the kettle was sent to us for a reason! It’s like the universe knew that one day I would reject the poisons of coffee & coke and had the kettle waiting patiently for me to stop using it to boil water to put in the sink and also those instant noodles I’m so fond of eating during my “lazy nights”.

In some ways, you could say that my kettle is like the Travelling Pants, waiting for someone to use up some of it’s magic to make boys fall in love with them. Maybe Sean will fall in love with me all over again now that I’m so wise and using my kettle to brew tea. I’m sorry, our kettle in our apartment. I have trouble sharing, especially my kettle.

So tea instead of coffee is great! But I’m really starting to get into Java Juice. Purely because I detest using my own blender in the morning because it’s so freaking loud!
I lied to you now fervent readers. I don’t use my own powerful juicer & blender at home in the morning because it messes with my routine which I have perfected over the last three months. My routine is this:
– Hit snooze until 6.17
– Get out of the shower at 6.30 and brush my teeth
– Blow dry my hair until 6.55
– Make up at 7.00
– Choose something to wear that is both flattering and clean
– 7.10 mad dash to the bus stop because as it turns out I DID look flattering in my outfit so I had to admire myself for some time before I realized I have to leave the house

One could assume that if I were to get up a tad earlier and make the juice BEFORE I had a shower then it would be smooth sailing but like I said, I like my routine as it is and I am so lazy when it comes to getting out of bed, thank god I have Sean to drag me out of bed by my ankles on Saturday mornings or else I would sleep all day.

This is completely off topic and I’m sorry I haven’t deleted that part but I’m just trying to give you insight as to why I go to Java Juice. More often than not I leave Java Juice feeling disappointed not only in the juice but in myself because I can make a bitchin juice/smoothie and if there were a juice/smoothie competition between me and the 15 year olds that work at those juice bars I would totally win. Some days I miss Enerjoost, hence the disappointment in myself. The disappointment in the juice comes from the juice being not as good as mine. It’s a vicious cycle but I’m digging all of the calcium I’ve been drinking up!

ANYWAY. Juices & smoothies will replenish my need for caffeine.
(Back on topic, way to go Lisa!)
Thanks brain!

So I’ll see how this goes for a while. Hopefully I can abstain from these things that are ruining my teeth/life. Cutting out maccas was easy! Sean & I currently have no gas in our kitchen so cooking has become a challenge but I haven’t taken the easy way out and bought a quarter pounder meal.
No no fanatical readers, I took the high road and paid $20 for Nandos instead. It was a weak moment I know…but i had to do something to make the Spanish voice in my head shut up. *Please note, yes I do know Nando’s is Portulgese

Hopefully cutting out coke & coffee will be okay too, now that I’ve had a strange man tapping my teeth telling me that I can either get one of my front ones pulled out or hand over $600 bucks to fix it I’m not so keen on sugar.

Maybe I can research healthier alternatives for all of the bad things I’ve become so accustomed to. I remember in year three we all had to write a list of things we NEEDED and things we WANTED, it really opened my eyes to what was important. I didn’t take it seriously afterwards when the teacher told me my Human Nature CDs weren’t a necessity. What did she know? I threw my list away and never looked back! That’s why I’m looking at a $1,000 dental bill because I didn’t take my wellbeing into careful consideration, I didn’t think of what my body actually needs. I’m not a kid anymore, if I eat crap I will get fat, if I don’t take care of myself I will get sick, if I drink coke every day my teeth will fall out.

Alas life has thrown me another curve ball, with this comes a new lesson about life, love and growing up. Yes that’s right, my life is somewhat identical to the Gilmore Girls.
Looks like dreams CAN come true!!


September 29, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Things that went through my mind last night/this morning when I didn’t go to bed

So I’ve had a thought, it was quite compelling when I was thinking about it last night. I was feeling empowered and strong willed, I guess you could call it an epiphany?

But I suppose all thoughts at 2.00am are like that, kind of like “great ideas” when you’re drunk or high, you imagine that this moment, this one idea has set you on the path to greatness.

Yes, I was quite full of myself, usually I’m like lite milk, still tasted like milk but without the fat but last night I was full cream baby!

I had that energy that crazy night owls get when they know the time of sleep is now but they will defy it a little longer, mostly because they know that they won’t get up until noon.

I would stay up all night when my parents went away. I cleaned the house to take my mind off the fact that if someone tried to murder me, no one would hear.
This is probably what every 15 year old thinks at 4.00am in an empty house which is quite isolated compared to the comfort of my Hare Street house.

So back to last night, I was wandering around my tiny apartment, conflicting thoughts of wanting Sean to be home but also glad he didn’t have to witness ‘Sleep Deprived Lisa’, not that I’m that bad. ‘Sleep Deprived Lisa’ is definitely better than ‘Hung Over Lisa’ or ‘Didn’t Like The Ending To The Movie/Tv Show Lisa’. But I’m on par with ‘New Album Is Coming Out Lisa’ which means annoyingly giddy and ‘Height Of Caffeinated Lisa’ who has been known to laugh uncontrollably at 30 Rock videos, only to crawl underneath a desk filled with paranoia moments later. So on the ladder of crazy mood swings I was sitting comfortably below the middle (the height of my crazy ladder is rage and the bottom is what most people refer to as ‘normal’, the middle is hilarious/crazyweird).

It started raining around 2.30-3.00am which lead me to believe now was a good time for washing, my theory was that the rain would make enough noise to cover up the sound of the washing machine and then the dryer.
In an ideal world, where I lived in a house with big windows and floorboards, this would have worked but as I live in an apartment complex, the only people who would have heard the rain fall on their roof were the people living on the top floor, alas I live on the first.
This did not stop me, as I was immune to logic at this point. I was transparently cheerful, trying to conceal my fatigue, kind of like when I’m drunk and I’m laughing at peoples jokes when all I want to be doing is sitting at home with a smaller group of people.

After completing one load of washing I was annoyed at the world for applauding Charlie Sheen. That Jeff dude said it best when he told Charlie the only reason he had a career on TV was because God hates Michael J Fox. I think it was that Jeff dude or Steve-O or maybe it was Captain Kirk? Anyway, it was a good call because Spin City was awesome when Marty McFly was the star. I might have liked it better if Emilio replaced him, Emilio gained my trust and respect after the Mighty Ducks movies. *Please note, I am referring to Charlie Sheen Roasted which was on last night, it was almost funny…

At 3.30 I knew in my heart it was time for a Mighty Ducks Marathon. I stopped myself after I realized how thoroughly depressed I always get after Hans dies in the third movie, even though the ducks win it doesn’t fill the hole that Hans death has left in me (this is an example of DLTETTM/TVS Lisa) I then remembered how I would be compelled to watch Dawson’s Creek afterwards (Joshua Jackson) and I had recently given my sister back the whole series. It was fair since I had stored the DVDS in my own collection, every time I looked at them I felt guilty knowing they weren’t mine but I was trying to make it look like they were. Sort of like borrowing your friends shoes then she forgets (because she has so many shoes!) so you just keep them anyway and hope she doesn’t notice.
I thought to myself, ‘maybe it’s high time you start buying your own things on DVD huh?’I.e. Buffy, Charmed, Dawsons Creek, Community & Scrubs. I nodded in agreement with my brain.
Sometimes, my brain was sooo smart and I don’t know why I choose to ignore it and go with my ‘gut instinct’, my gut instinct has lead me astray twice before and it will surely do it again before I hit the tender age of 25. Why 25 you may ask? I duno, just have a gut feeling.

Back to this whole Charlie Sheen business, I can’t understand why people (celebrities) are paying tribute to him and laughing along with him at these choices he has made in his life.
Why can’t he hide himself away like Demi Lovato did when she punched that backup dancer? Or quietly build up a comeback like Amy Winehouse? No one was paying much attention to her anyways so when she stuffed up no one cared. Or just shut up for a minute so someone would hire him again and when he came back to TV people would just pretend it didn’t happen. Just like when Britney made another album, people just pretended she didn’t just have a major meltdown and accepted her new ‘music’ like it was nothing out of the ordinary. But no, Charlie decided to drag his name (along with his ex wives, family and kids names) through the mud and roll around in all of the bad press and criticism and continuously brag about how much of a legend he supposedly is. Pisses me off, mostly because he is an idiot also because he is lazy.

So THAT is what I was fuming about around the time the sun was coming up.

After I got bored of making a mock debate in my head I decided maybe I should go to bed and get a nice long hour sleep before I got up. That’s when the coughing started, so dragging myself out of bed in a fit of rage, I slumped on the couch and listened to Fair to Midland songs wishing I had my new Devil Wears Prada album but at the same time appreciating how crazy the singer for Fair to Midland is, makes him all the more relatable and feeding my ego into thinking all crazy people can sing. We all know this isn’t the case, the crazy people that is.

 Now it’s 3.45 in the afternoon and I am a bit tired now after an exciting morning of feeling like an elderly person when not one but TWO young high school girls offered me their seat on the bus and then feeling like a toddler in an oversized hospital gown, wandering around the radiological clinic wishing the gowns closed at the back and that I had socks on.

 I know the two questions that are on the tip of your tongue right now and your eyes are probably glued to the screen, afraid to blink in case you miss it.

OH MY GOD speaking of BLINK! Blink 182 are releasing their album on the twenty third instead of the twenty seventh, this makes me SO HAPPY!
 I remember the day they broke up, some idiot in my clothing class in year 10 came up and asked me. “No!” I scoffed and walked off with the air of arrogance that I had mastered throughout my high school years. This arrogance later changes into humility only after I had some sense knocked into me by vodka. I quickly googled blink 182 to make sure and that’s when the silent tears escaped.
I pulled myself together before anyone could make fun of me and tuned out for the rest of the class & year.
Not that Blink were responsible for my lack of attention in year 10 but I needed to spend more time looking cool and paying attention in something as mundane as “sewing” was not on top of my priority list. (please remember I was 15 and my ‘priority list consisted of having a boyfriend, having enough money for credit and being awesome)

 Do you ever wish you could go back and tell a 14/15 year old self some things? Sean and I were talking about this a couple of days ago and I joked that I would go back and wipe all of the eye makeup off my 15 year old selfs face and tell her to stop lighting desks on fire with Stephen and Callyn.
Thinking about it some more, I would probably tell her to smile more and don’t obsess over guys. I can’t think of other things I could change since everything that has happened, has happened for a reason and I don’t know who I would be if things had turned out differently. *please note, there were no life changing events during these unremarkable years but had I gone about things differently then there might have been.

 Again, back to my point, the main point actually, of this post. Firstly, I apologize if you have read this whole thing, sometimes I don’t write for a while and things just turn into nonsense. Also, I have not slept for a day and once my sleeping pattern has been slightly adjusted I just lose my mind. So this amazing thought I had at 2.00am while riding my bike through my apartment?

 Duno, can’t remember, it was 2.00am.

September 21, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.